


4x07 - Grief Is A Weird Thing

by FandomFeels17



Series: Missing / Deleted scenes [7]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M, Minor Violence, Slight Panic Attack, attempted drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24971206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomFeels17/pseuds/FandomFeels17
Summary: Maybe he wasn't okay at the minute, but he knew in time, he would be.He wanted to be alive.He would be alive.He would live. Live the life his ''mother'' never did.He just had to take it one step at a time.
Relationships: Justin Foley & Clay Jensen, Justin Foley/Clay Jensen
Series: Missing / Deleted scenes [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791589
Comments: 15
Kudos: 61





	4x07 - Grief Is A Weird Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Sorry I'm late with this one! It was supposed to be up yesterday, but my anxiety about going back to work next week grabbed hold of me and I didn't finish it. I feel slightly better having talked to my boss though, so fingers crossed I'm alright tonight.
> 
> Anyway, the tags might be worrying you. Please don't. You'll see why. I promise you Justin's is in a really troubled mindset when he acts out at Clay and he apologises profusely afterwards!
> 
> If you don't like to read violence then I completely understand if you want this, but it's literally a sentence and not graphic!

It was pitch black when Clay awoke needing the toilet. Rubbing his eyes, he flicked on his lamp and made his way to the toilet. Yawning, he washed his hands after doing his business and made a detour back to the kitchen, filling a glass with water and turning to face his bed. Glancing over at Justin, he did a double take.

Justin's bed was striped bare. The mattress cover, the bedding, pillows and his blanket were all thrown to the floor. Justin was curled up tightly on his side, shivering. 

Placing his glass down, Clay headed over to the bedding, checking that nothing was wrong with it. Standing over, he noticed dried tear tracks on his face. Clay frowned. He thought about waking him, but it was the middle of the night and he knew Justin wouldn't be happy with been woken. Sighing, Clay picked Justin up, thanking god Justin got him into doing weights and treadmills. He still wouldn't do squats though, Clay drew a line at that. 

Placing Justin in his bed, Clay pulled his bed cover over him, watching as Justin rolled over onto his stomach and starfished out, snoring away. Turning back to Justin's bed, Clay remade it made, before climbing in and pulling the cover over him. Turning to face his brother, Clay propped his hand under his head, wondering what had gotten Justin so upset that he striped his bed bare and slept naked bar a pair of boxers.

His eyes fluttered shut before he could come up with a explanation.

* * *

His alarm going off jolted him awake. Rolling over, he momentarily forgot where he was, before remembering the events of last night. Looking at his bed, he shot upwards when he saw that his bed was smartly made.

''Justin?'' Clay called, already knowing he wasn't going to get reply. Reaching down under the bed, he felt around for Justin's sports bag.

It was gone.

Scrambling from his bed, he rushed from the outhouse and into the main one, stumbling into the kitchen and seeing Justin and his parents sat at the table, the conversation seemingly coming to an abrupt halt when he entered.

Something was off. 

''You okay?'' Justin asked, through a mouthful of avocado toast.

Clay nodded. ''Yeah, just...'' He decided to let his sentence trailed off as he studied Justin. His eyes were blank. He was putting on a show, pretending everything was alright. ''You okay?'' he asked, taking a seat.

Justin nodded. ''Yeah, I'm fine.'' he said, before standing up. ''I'm going to walk to school today. I'll meet you there.'' he said, picking up his bag and swing over his shoulder. Grabbing another piece of avocado on toast, he rushed from the house, no one pointing out that school didn't start for an hour.

Silence filled the kitchen as Clay grabbed a piece of toast. ''So... What is going on?''

Matt and Lainie glanced at each other before sitting down. ''Nothing is-''

''Bullshit.'' Clay told them, swallowing his piece of toast. ''I woke up last night and Justin was laid in his bed with the bed stripped bare, in his boxers with tear tracks on his face.''

Lainie wiped a tear away, causing Clay to frown, more so when she took his hand. ''Just look after him at school, okay.''

Clay slowly nodded, before glancing at his Dad. ''Just... Do as your mom said.'' Matt told him, before kissing Lainie on the head and heading upstairs to go get ready for work.

Clay waited until the bathroom door had shut before he turned to his Mom. ''Mom, what's going on? Tell me.'' he pleaded.

Lainie shook her head. ''Justin didn't want you to know. He wants to tell you in his own time, I'm sure.''

''But-''

''Clay, I promised him. I'm not going to break that. Just please look out for him today. He really needs us right now.''

* * *

To say Clay was a little put out would be an understatement.

He knew something was wrong last night when he saw Justin on his bed. He had wrecked his brains, wondering what it was that was troubling him. So far, he had come up with nothing. Bryce was dead, Monty was dead so it wasn't them, despite Justin's closeness to Bryce. It wasn't Jess, as she and Justin had made up.

He wasn't concentrating in class, especially when the teacher called on him and he just looked blankly at him. Sighing, he slumped back in his seat and squeezed his eyes shut. He really needed to focus if he had any chance of getting into Brown.

Trust that moment for his phone to buzz.

Slipping it from pocket, he glanced at the screen, seeing Justin's number. Quickly opening the text message, fear and panic slammed into him quicker than he thought was possible.

_Thankyou for everything. You've been the best. I love you. X_

Scrambling from his desk, Clay ignored his teacher shouting after him, as he burst out of the front doors of the schools. Skidding to a stop outside his car, he fumbled with the keys, struggling to unlock the door with his shaking hands. He swore before he finally got his car unlocked and climbed inside. 

Slipping his phone into the phone holder, he dialled his Dad's number. Thankfully, Matt picked up as he squealed his way out of the car park. ''Justin's in trouble. I don't know why, I can just feel it. He sent me a worrying text and I'm scared. If you get a call from the school, ignore it!'' He said, speaking too fast for Matt to make sense before hanging up.

Thankful that his house had no speed cameras near it, Clay skidded to harsh stop in the driveway. Throwing the door open, he scrambled from the car, rushing round to the Outhouse. Unlocking the door, he rushed inside, screaming Justin's name. Seeing it empty, he gripped his hair before he rushed into the main house, screaming Justin's name and startling his Mom, who appeared to working from home.

''What are you doing here?''

''What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at school!'' Their replies crashed together, as they stared at each other.

''Justin sent me a text. Is he here?''

Lainie instantly became worried, shaking her head. ''He's not come home. What text did he said you?''

Clay fumbled with his phone, forwarding Justin's text to his Mom before rushing back out to his car. He was about to reverse out of the driveway when his Mom opened the passenger door and slipped in, slamming it shut. ''Try the river!''

''The river?''

''Clay, just drive!''

Panicking, Clay threw the car into reverse and out onto the street, before revving his car and peeling off down the street, the smell of burnt rubber from his tyres leaving marks on the ground and dust behind from the car.

* * *

The first thing Clay saw was police tape.

Slamming on the breaks, a cold sweat broke out on his body. Clambering form the car, he rushed forward, scanning the area for any sign of Justin. Not seeing him anywhere, he grabbed his phone, seeing a few missed calls from his Dad. A few messages from Tony and Zach asking where he was. Clicking on Justin's number, he was about to press it when Lainie let out a scream.

Almost dropping his phone, he rushed to her side before following her gaze upwards and seeing Justin's bare arm hanging limply over the edge of the overpass. Swearing, Clay handed his phone to his Mom before rushing for the stairs. Almost slipping twice from his rush to get to Justin, Clay took a deep breath before calling Justin's name.

When no reply came, he forced himself not to freak.

Nearing the spot where Justin was, he saw that was awake and moving, the arm his mother saw hanging over the side laid by side, while his other hand was tightly clutching a filled syringe. 

''Justin...'' Clay said calmly, raising his arms when his head snapped towards him. ''It's me. Just me. Well, Mom's down there, but it's just me up here.''

Justin breathed heavily, as he clenched his fist again, trying to get a vein to show. ''Leave me alone.'' he gritted out.

Clay shook his head and sat down in-front of him, taking in the dishevelled appearance of his brother. ''Justin, what the hell has happened in the last twenty fours?''

Justin sniffled but didn't say anything. He gasped in relief when he saw a blue vein appear on the crease of his arm.

Clay panicked when Justin positioned himself better to get the vein. In his panic, he lunged forward and smacking the syringe from Justin's hand harshly. He had only meant to knock out his hand, but in his haste he smacked Justin's hand too hard and sent the syringe flying over the edge and into the murky waters below.

There was a deafening silence between the brothers before Justin rounded Clay, his features angry and unreadable. 

Clay was actual scared. ''Justin. Justin, I swear-'' He let out a shout when Justin's fist connected with his cheek. Suddenly, the boys were grappling for each other, Justin trying to punch him and Clay trying to block him and stop him. ''Justin, stop.'' he shouted, his shout falling on deaf ears.

Suddenly, arms encircled Justin's waist and lifted him off of him, before shivers broke out over his body at Justin's scream of despair. Sitting up, he saw Matt gently pulling Justin down the short flight of stairs to Lainie, who held her arms out for the broken boy. Watching as Justin collapsed into her arms, Clay's anger flared. Not at Justin and his Mom, but at the situation that he still had no idea about.

''Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?'' he demanded, swiping away some blood from his cheek where the skin had broken.

Matt sighed. ''Let's talk about this at home.'' Matt said, gently, before helping him to his feet. Following Justin and Lainie down the steps, they spilt into two cars, Matt and Clay in Clay's car and Lainie and Justin in Matt and Lainie's.

* * *

Arriving back at the house, Clay and Matt watched as Lainie helped Justin from the car and into the house, her arms tightly round and guiding him. 

''Dad, I'm worried.''

Matt sighed. ''He should've told you last night but he didn't want to. I don't think he's processed it yet.'' Matt bit his lip and turned to Clay. ''Just... Listen to him, okay?'' Matt said, softly before climbing from the car.

Clay threw his hands in the air. Well, that answered nothing, it just added more worry. Climbing from the car, he rushed to join his family in the main house. Stepping into the house, he saw Justin sitting at the table, his head down and tears visible on his cheek. He glanced up as Clay entered the kitchen, his eyes settling on his cheek. Guilt flashed over his face as he let out a shaky breath.

As Lainie put out a pot of coffee on the table, Matt grabbed the cups and placed them infront of them all, filling them up halfway before sitting down, the scene eerily similar to last night when Justin told Matt and Lainie about his Mom.

''I'm sorry.'' Justin whispered, to Clay. ''I'm so sorry. I didn't... I wasn't... I'm sorry for punching you.''

Clay nodded. ''I know you are.'' Placing his hand over Justin's, he squeezed it softly before shuffling his chair closer to him. ''What happened yesterday, Justin?'' he asked, softly.

Justin sniffled, wiping the tears away with his other hand. ''My M... Amber died. She was found at the docks with a needle in her arm.''

Clay froze, blinking slowly. ''Wh... What? When?'' 

Justin let some more tears drop. ''Standall told me. Deputy Standall. Said they found her yesterday.'' Justin's face contorted in pain. ''He told me before my college interview.'' he spat, viciously. ''Of all the times he could've told me...''

Clay reached out and pulled Justin in for hug. ''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.''

Justin clutched him tightly. ''I wanted to... I wanted to do it. On the outpass. I was going to inject it.''

''I know you were, but-''

Justin pulled back slightly, so he could see Clay's face. ''You were right. To do what you did.'' Reaching up, he wiped away the blood with his sleeve of their shared black hoodie. ''I shouldn't have punched you. You were doing the right thing and I acted unreasonable. I won't ever do it again.'' Justin turned to address Matt and Lainie as well. ''I promise. I won't ever raise my hand to him again.''

Matt and Lainie nodded, sensing Justin was going to say something else. Getting himself under control, Justin spoke. ''I've been thinking. And... Maybe it would be nice to do something.''

Lainie smiled softly. ''What would like to do?''

Justin shrugged. ''I don't know. She wasn't exactly the best Mom in the world. She choose drugs over me, she choose Seth over me, even after he strangled me-''

''Huh?''

''He did what?''

''He strangled you?!''

Oops. 

''And she didn't exactly come back when I was in trouble. You guys have done more for me than she ever did.'' Justin sniffled, ignoring what he just revealed. ''You guys are my family and I don't want you to feel insulted.''

''Justin. She was your Mom. She may not have been the best one, but you won't be insulting us if you want to doing something in her honour.'' Matt told him, softly. ''Maybe we don't have to do service or anything. Maybe her birthday, we could raise a glass or something.'' Justin sniffled, his eyes watering for a slightly different reason. ''It could be our little nod to her too. I mean , without her... We wouldn't you.'' Matt said, glancing at Lainie and Clay, before continuing. ''If that's okay with you, of course, Justin.'' Matt added, wanting Justin's approval.

Justin smiled wetly and nodded. He could feel his chest tightening and he stumbled to his feet, his hand dropping from Clay's as he yanked it back. ''Excuse me.'' he gasped out, before making an escape to the Outhouse. 

Clay could see the onset of a panic attack when he saw one. Rushing after him, he managed to catch Justin before he hit the floor. Knowing his knees would be slightly sore, Clay wrapped his arms round Justin as best as he could and held him, as Justin allowed the heavy sobs to escape his body.

Sensing his parents behind him, Clay turned and pleaded with them silently. Entering the Outhouse, they both rushed to Justin's side, hugging him and Clay together.

''Why am I crying over her?'' they heard Justin choke out.

Matt and Lainie were quiet before Lainie answered. ''She was still your biological mom at the end of the day. And it's natural, sweetheart. You're allowed to cry for her. No one is going to tell you different. Grief is a weird thing. One minute you can be fine, and then the next you're reminiscing over a photograph or something. There's no time limit either and we're going to be next to you every step of the way.''

Justin sniffled, gripping Lainie and Matt back tightly. ''I wish you'd have been my real parents. And brother. I always wanted a sibling.'' Justin snorted. ''I used to be begging her to give me a sibling to play with. Then she started back on the drugs and I never got one... Until you guys... And Bryce too, I suppose but he never really made me feel like family.''

Silence befell the family, as Justin finally cried himself out.

''Not to ruin the moment, but my back and knees are killing me.'' Clay said, gently pulling away and stretching his back, from where it had been practically hunched over Justin. 

''I keep telling you to do squats!''

''When you start to shut the bathroom door when you take your morning dumps, I will.''

Matt and Lainie pulled a face. ''Okay. Too much information!'' Matt said, as they helped Justin to his feet. ''How about we go for a hike? We could go and watch the sunset?''

''She liked sunsets. I don't why, but she always did.''

Lainie smiled at her other son. ''Would you like to go and watch one? It'll be setting in a few hours...''

Justin bit his lip and shyly nodded. ''Can we do the Bay View one? I'll pay for us to get in and I'll... I'll drive.'' 

Clay nodded. ''Sure. Any chance I get to be a passenger, I'm going to take it.'' he said, ducking out of the way of Justin's playful shove.

Justin smiled and nodded, before taking a deep breath. ''Let me just freshen up. I'll meet you by Clay's car.'' he said, before dashing into the little bathroom and pointedly closing door, before sitting on the toilet.

''See? I do close the door when I take a shi-''

''Justin!''

Justin let out a cackle, throwing his head back happily. Dropping his head back forwards, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Finishing his business, he flushed the toilet, before washing his hands. Gripping the edges of the sink, he took note of the tear tracks, the events of today catching up to him. Splashing some cold water on his face, he dabbed it dry with his towel before nodding at his reflection.

Maybe he wasn't okay at the minute, but he knew in time, he would be.

He wanted to be alive.

He would be alive.

He would live. Live the life his ''mother'' never did.

He just had to take it one step at a time.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Hope I did you proud with this one, @obviouschild!
> 
> Also, these don't follow one from one another. So, if you have a favourite one or one just catches your eye to read, then you can just read that specific one, without reading the others.
> 
> I love you guys! Stay safe and stay well out there! And I'll see you for the next one! X


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